It seems like one of the biggest pieces of advice we’re often told is to “give ourselves grace and be kind to ourselves”. While it is common knowledge how important it is to prioritize self compassion, there are many under-recognized benefits to this seemingly simple practice. Additionally, it’s not always easy for individuals to access this way of engaging with themselves in a gentler way. In order to reap the benefits of self compassion, one must first feel comfortable enough to access this self directed kindness.
Why is it so hard to be kind to ourselves?
There are many different reasons why it may feel difficult and scary to speak to yourself kindly. You may believe if you are kind to yourself, you’ll become lazy. If you give yourself grace, you’ll stop trying hard. You may believe you don’t deserve to be kind to yourself. This compassion may be so unfamiliar it is scary to your nervous system. There are many different ways to start to give yourself more compassion and as you do it more, the more you’ll believe you deserve it.
Ways to Offer Yourself Self Compassion (Woodyard, 2011)
- Give yourself evidence for why you are inherently worthy
- Question negative self talk
- Acknowledge your feelings
- Forgive yourself for past mistakes or perceived failures
- Give yourself permission to rest without shame
Benefits of Self Compassion
- Self compassion is associated with lower levels of mental health disorders (Stutts, 2022)
- Higher levels of self compassion were associated with a better ability to compromise and resolve social conflicts (Yarnell et al., 2015)
- Increased resilience and emotional strength (Sepala, 2014)
- Reduces physiological stress responses, such as sympathetic nervous system activation, and increases heart rate variability, which is an indication of better stress recovery (Homan & Sirois, 2017)
- Increased motivation for self-improvement due to reduced fear of failure and greater capacity to handle setbacks (Breines & Chen, 2012)
The Three Primary Components and Counterparts (Stutts, 2022)
- Self kindness and counterpart self-judgement
Self kindness is the act of caring for yourself, whereas self judgement is characterized as negative thoughts toward self.
- Common humanity and counterpart isolation
Common humanity is described as the awareness that everyone makes mistakes and struggles, whereas isolation is when someone feels alone in their suffering.
- Mindfulness and counterpart over-identification
Mindfulness is defined as the awareness of the present, whereas over-identification is the fixation on negative thoughts/feelings.
Understanding these three aspects of and their counterparts is important to continue the journey of healing and developing emotional resilience.
How Can Neurofeedback Help You Develop More Self Compassion?
Let’s dig into how self compassion relates to neurofeedback, a technique that trains brain waves to a more optimal pattern and activation level for each unique individual. Neurofeedback is a form of biofeedback that uses real-time brainwave monitoring to train your brain to function more efficiently. By training your brain through this process, you can become more regulated to then be able to shift your nervous system into a more calm and centered state. In this state, it’ll be easier to give yourself compassion and recognize wins. Additionally, Neurofeedback trains your brainwaves and can enhance gamma activity, which supports mindful and compassionate self awareness. Lastly, Neurofeedback helps individuals become aware of and regulate patterns of negative thinking, which can reduce self-criticism and improve self-image, both of which are crucial in developing increased self-compassion.
Putting it into Practice
Being gentler with yourself isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the most powerful ways to support your emotional and brain health. Small shifts—like quieting self-criticism or allowing rest—can help rewire how your brain responds to stress. With practice and tools like neurofeedback, that inner kindness becomes more natural, and your resilience grows right alongside it.
References
Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. (2012). Self-Compassion Increases Self-Improvement Motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133-1143. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167212445599 (Original work published 2012)
Homan, K. J., & Sirois, F. M. (2017). Self-compassion and physical health: Exploring the roles of perceived stress and health-promoting behaviors. Health psychology open, 4(2), 2055102917729542. https://doi.org/10.1177/2055102917729542
NEFF, K. D. (2003). The Development and Validation of a Scale to Measure Self-Compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223–250. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309027
Seppala, E. (2014, May 9). The Scientific Benefits of Self-Compassion. The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education. https://ccare.stanford.edu/uncategorized/the-scientific-benefits-of-self-compassion-infographic/
Stutts L. (2022). Increasing Self-Compassion: Review of the Literature and Recommendations. Journal of undergraduate neuroscience education : JUNE : a publication of FUN, Faculty for Undergraduate Neuroscience, 20(2), A115–A119. https://doi.org/10.59390/WSZK3327
Yarnell, L. M., Stafford, R. E., Neff, K. D., Reilly, E. D., Knox, M. C., & Mullarkey, M. (2015). Meta-Analysis of Gender Differences in Self-Compassion. Self and Identity, 14(5), 499–520. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2015.1029966
